My search for God

This blog has been gaining readers slowly, and that has made me decide to include my questions here about God, that I have on another blog of mine.

Today, my searching on the net has been to find out the truth about prayer, what is ok to ask for of God, and what is not ok to ask for. Also, I have been reading my new bible ( Joyce Meyers Everyday Life Bible, my blessed mother got for me as an early Christmas Present, thanks Mom 🙂 I am up to 2 Samuel. I have been seeing much about how God answered those who had pure hearts.

What is a pure heart? Can it be obtained, learned or is it only gotten from birth, by special people? Am I left out? Do I have a hardened heart? I fear I do, because I do not hear God, I don’t feel him, or his presence ever. I can honestly say I have been on the floor sobbing for Him, his solace, his comfort. Is it that I just don’t hear him the way I can understand? How do you know what He has answered you?

My one biggest request of Him? To just see him, talk to Him, to get a hug from Him. Would it be so bad to ask Him to visit me, just once to talk with me???

I am loath to explain the real reasons behind my search for Him, and my need for Him in my life. I am not the only person who would be embarrassed by my discussions of my life as it is now.

So, I am asking any readers who has some insight into what I am searching for, words of help and wisdom to please comment. To be as upfront as I can be, I have recently been discovering how I have been a sinner, and need His help,, no I have never hurt anyone on purpose , yet I know in my anger or when I was attacked in some way, I did say things to hurt them. But on a scale of one to ten, I think I am about a 2 on the sinner scale for sins done knowingly and on purpose. NO, let me change that, I dont think I am over a 2, but I feel like I am; make sense?

Lately, I have been reading, as I said the bible. I started in Genesis, and now I am in 2 Samuel. I like many of the stories I have read, some made sense, some did not. My favorites so far,  the story of Jacob, who had to struggle with God for his blessings. I liked that even though he had done something underhanded to his brother Esau, by stealing his inheritance and fooling Isacc the way he did, God still found favor in him. I just cant see what Jacob did to overwrite the bad he did, so God would give his Blessings to him. Was he in Gods favor, and therefore assurred of Gods blessings?

Do I have to struggle with the Lord for my blessings? No, I don’t think I am supposed to, but I if I do not , then how come I am still here, in my situation suffering like I am?

I know I am a sinner, and I know that there is nothing period that I can do, to ever be good enough for God, and that he loves me simply because of His son, Jesus Christ.

The bottom line ( for todays post anyway) is  that I am desperate to learn how to get Gods blessings, my life is really bad in most respects. I just want to go home, to where I was happy. I want to get a job I can do, I want to support my family, because someone needs to, and I want to have a place where I can sit, and be at peace. Are these things I am asking for wrong? I hope someone can tell me.
I hope everyone can follow my thoughts, and that you will fell comfortable in commenting.

God Bless you all,