My search for God

This blog has been gaining readers slowly, and that has made me decide to include my questions here about God, that I have on another blog of mine.

Today, my searching on the net has been to find out the truth about prayer, what is ok to ask for of God, and what is not ok to ask for. Also, I have been reading my new bible ( Joyce Meyers Everyday Life Bible, my blessed mother got for me as an early Christmas Present, thanks Mom 🙂 I am up to 2 Samuel. I have been seeing much about how God answered those who had pure hearts.

What is a pure heart? Can it be obtained, learned or is it only gotten from birth, by special people? Am I left out? Do I have a hardened heart? I fear I do, because I do not hear God, I don’t feel him, or his presence ever. I can honestly say I have been on the floor sobbing for Him, his solace, his comfort. Is it that I just don’t hear him the way I can understand? How do you know what He has answered you?

My one biggest request of Him? To just see him, talk to Him, to get a hug from Him. Would it be so bad to ask Him to visit me, just once to talk with me???

I am loath to explain the real reasons behind my search for Him, and my need for Him in my life. I am not the only person who would be embarrassed by my discussions of my life as it is now.

So, I am asking any readers who has some insight into what I am searching for, words of help and wisdom to please comment. To be as upfront as I can be, I have recently been discovering how I have been a sinner, and need His help,, no I have never hurt anyone on purpose , yet I know in my anger or when I was attacked in some way, I did say things to hurt them. But on a scale of one to ten, I think I am about a 2 on the sinner scale for sins done knowingly and on purpose. NO, let me change that, I dont think I am over a 2, but I feel like I am; make sense?

Lately, I have been reading, as I said the bible. I started in Genesis, and now I am in 2 Samuel. I like many of the stories I have read, some made sense, some did not. My favorites so far,  the story of Jacob, who had to struggle with God for his blessings. I liked that even though he had done something underhanded to his brother Esau, by stealing his inheritance and fooling Isacc the way he did, God still found favor in him. I just cant see what Jacob did to overwrite the bad he did, so God would give his Blessings to him. Was he in Gods favor, and therefore assurred of Gods blessings?

Do I have to struggle with the Lord for my blessings? No, I don’t think I am supposed to, but I if I do not , then how come I am still here, in my situation suffering like I am?

I know I am a sinner, and I know that there is nothing period that I can do, to ever be good enough for God, and that he loves me simply because of His son, Jesus Christ.

The bottom line ( for todays post anyway) is  that I am desperate to learn how to get Gods blessings, my life is really bad in most respects. I just want to go home, to where I was happy. I want to get a job I can do, I want to support my family, because someone needs to, and I want to have a place where I can sit, and be at peace. Are these things I am asking for wrong? I hope someone can tell me.
I hope everyone can follow my thoughts, and that you will fell comfortable in commenting.

God Bless you all,


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. storbakken
    Nov 11, 2006 @ 22:00:44

    thanks for your honest and upfront question. In regards to your question regarding what is ok to ask God? It’s ok to ask for what is in His will. Next question, what’s His will? That’s for you to find in scripture and to discover through fervent prayer. Yes, fervent. Prayer is not a blaise, boring practice. It is a communication between the believer and the living God. I made a post yesterday called Pray Continually. Maybe it will answer some questions. maybe it will create more questions. God bless.


  2. storbakken
    Nov 11, 2006 @ 22:12:52

    one thing that helped me as I was seeking answers and wondering what Christianity is all about is some advice given to me by my uncle. He told me to start in the New Testament, especially the gospel. Because that is dealing specifically with Jesus and what he was all about. After some fun stories the Old Testament gets a bit boring fast with all the laws and whatnot. The New Testament is where it’s at. The OT seems to talk more about being condemned, but the NT deals more with being saved. Hope this helps a little.


  3. kystorms
    Nov 11, 2006 @ 22:39:30

    thank you storbakken for you comments, and the link 🙂 I will most certainly go to the site and read, I feel the need to know everything, now as if I am in the last part of a race. Sounds weird I know, but that is how it feels. I just have to know how to obtain Gods will, and his blessings, for my life has no value without them.
    God Bless you


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